Jeremy (dergerm) wrote in ah_the_wit,

Five Times Shawn Hit On Lassie, and One Time It Worked

Five Times Shawn Hit On Lassie, and One Time It Worked
Fandom: Psych , Pairing: Shawn/Lassiter, pre-slash
By: dergerm , For: daria234 at comment_fic
Prompt: Psych, Shawn/Lassiter, 5 times Shawn tried to hit on Lassiter and 1 time he actually succeeded
A/N: Totally unbeta'ed, I was just writing this all willy-nilly so I could try and get back into the swing of things so I could get back into my other fic. I thought this would be short, but it grew! Con-Crit is nice, I always accept graciously.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2126

"Looking good in that suit today, Lassie!" Shawn called from the inside of his car across the street at what he'd soon find out was an active crime-scene investigation.

Carlton glanced over his shoulder, glaring at Shawn through sunglasses-- Shawn had learned to pick up the subtle nuances of Lassie's facial tics, even when covered with shades, over the years --before turning back to his investigation. After a moments pause, he self-conciously tugged on the back of his suit jacket to try and cover his butt.

Shawn smirked.

The connection was made, an involuntary 'OH!' escaped Shawns lips, and before the mans mental self-censorship-- already atrophied from years of dis-use --could stop him, he had the detectives face between his hands, squishing it so his mouth formed fish-lips.

"Lassie, you smart, sexy man! That's it!"

"Shawn--" Carlton managed to squeek out before being cut off by the pseudo-psychic.

"In my vision," Shawn continued, looking over his shoulder at a bewildered Gus and amused Jules, his hands still pressed into Lassiter's cheeks. Carlton just stood, arms crossed over his chest. "I saw what I thought was a full-grown car but was, in fact, nothing more than a very intricatly detailed-- perhaps by a Warcraft miniatures player, or some sort of evil Boy Scout-- model car on a string!"

"Shawn," Carlton tried again to no avail.

"Jules, look over the video again and try and see if there's a reflection in the windshield!" Jules nodded and headed to her desk, smirking.


"Gus, I'm gonna need a half-frap mochachinno, extra frap."

Gus, flustered, stomped his foot. "Shawn! I'm not a coffee boy!"

"I agree, you're more of a dark chocolate with a dash of cinnamon. But let's not discuss sensitive subjects such as race right now, a man is missing!" Gus snorted before walking past his friend and the detective, muttering something about insufferable people.

Lassiter, unusually patient, tried again. "Shawn."

"Oh! Sorry. Gus! Get Lassiepants that thing he likes!"

"What thing?" Gus called from down the hall.

"You know! That coffee thing!"

"Shawn," Carlton said again, much more stern, arms still crossed over his chest.

"Can I help you?"


"Oh." With a slight hesitation, and no small amount of disappointment, Shawn pulled his hands away, letting Carlton's face fall back into place.

"Thank you."

"Looks better that way, anyway."

Shawn's phone rang. "Well, hey there, Gus!" shawn said pleasently. Carlton sat next to him, being a good driver and focusing on the road.

Angry sounds came from out of the phone. Shawn cut it off, "I'm sorry, but we got a great psychic lead on the case so we had to--"

Angry Gus noises. "I know you got the coffee." Angry Gus. "Even Lassie's." Softer, less angry but probably still irritated Gus sounds. "Yes, Gus. Lassie is a bit of a tight ass, but at least he's got a tight--" Loud annoyed Gus. Hanging up Gus.

Carlton continued to pretend there was a barrier between he and the man beside him.

"You know, in this light you kinda look like a bat," Shawn said in the dark. A sliver of moonlight fell through the basement window, silohuetting Carlton.

"Shut it, Spencer." The detective fought in vain against the rope binding him to the chair he sat in, facing the younger man who stared back at him in full light.

Shawn stayed quiet all of two seconds before piping up again. "But seriously, it's kinda cool. I never noticed when you had longer hair, but now that you have short hair your ears kinda stick out."

Carlton sighed, resigned to listening to the whims of the ADD-driven mad man

"Like some kind of bat... man." Shawn's eyes suddenly gleamed in the light. Carlton feared the worst. "Holy crap, you're like Batman! You're a detective, and... well, you're kinda like a superhero 'cause you do all that detectiving and stuff."

"Batman wasn't a detective," Carlton mumbled mostly to himself.

"Yeah he was!" Shawn bounced in his chair. "He so was! He debuted in Detective Comics twenty-seven, so that makes him a deflato detective!"

"De facto." Carlton offered, despite his irritation.

Shawn snorted. "Why're you bringing up noodles now?"

Carlton sighed and remained silent, wondering how much longer it would take for rescue to arrive. It'd been a few hours. O'Hara was a competent enough detective, and those guys left clues everywhere. It shouldn't be much longer before she puts all the pieces together and comes to their rescue.

"So," Shawn said, shifting in his own chair, "does that make me Robin?"

"What? How would you be Robin?" Carlton couldn't believe he was even entertaining this conversation.

"Well," Shawn drawled while he thought to himself, "I always go with you on crazy adventures--"

"Without being asked."

"Yeah, well Robin doesn't need to be asked, now does he? He's Robin! OH!" His chair creaked as he literally bounced it forward. "And I look awesome in tights!"

Carlton groaned. "You're out of your mind, you know that?"

"Then there's always that," Shawn said, practically under his breath.

Carlton almost decided to let it slide, even holding back the sigh that tried to edge its way out of his throat. But curiosity won out over irritation, just barely.

"What do you mean by 'that'?"

"You-know-what-I-mean." Shawn said all in a rush.

"No," Carlton said much more slowly, trying to bring the pace back down. "I don't."

Shawn bobbed his head back and forth, obviously deciding a course of action. This worried Carlton. "Well, you know how it was with Batman and Robin..." He dropped away, obviously hinting at something.

Carlton knew just where Shawn was going with this, but he wasn't exactly willing to go there himself. "They're crime fighters. Yeah, I used to read them as a kid sometimes."

Shawn threw his head back with a huge sigh. "No, Lassie! All that homo-erotic tension!"

Then Shawn stopped dead, his head still leaned back as if he had realized what he just said. All Carlton could see was neck, and Shawn's adams apple as he swallowed hard.

Carlton felt the weight of that pause, and usually he'd be willing to let it go, glad to berid himself of crazy-Shawn-conversation. But the silence, it just went on and on. He cracked.

"I wouldn't call our tension homo-erotic. I mean," he sighed, suddenly finding himself very itchy everywhere and unable to scratch, "you irritate me, sure. That's where the tension is. Then, you always get so touchy-feely. You know I hate that, so there's that tension. I mean, sure I don't push you away but I just figure it's best to let you get it out of your system. So there isn't more of that--" he paused. Somewhere, deep down, realization struck and it scared the hell out of him.

Before Carlton could think of a way to weasel out of the conversation, there was a loud crashing above. The calvery had arrived.

Shawn laid on the bed opposite Carlton in the hospital room, watching as the detective flipped through channels. Lassiter hadn't spoken a word to him since the basement. In fact, considering the only time they were seperated was so that Jules and Buzz could take down their accounts on what happened with that crazy model-car kidnapper guy, Shawn was fairly amazed at how capable Lassiter was at not looking at him. Even now, when they faced each other, being held over night for observation and visiting hours were long over, Lassiter managed to keep his eyes averted. Shawn was many things, but capable of going overly long periods of time without certain peoples attention wasn't on that list of things.

"So this is all it takes to get your pants off?" Shawn heard himself say. For the first time, he cursed his inability to filter his impulses.

But Carlton looked at him, so there was that victory. Sure it was a glare, and it only lasted a moment. And sure he instantly flicked off the TV and turned over. But Lassiter looked at Shawn, and that was something.

Carlton couldn't sleep. He tried to keep his mind occupied with late-night basic cable, but that could only last so long. His mind seemed to be racing a mile-a-minute, but Lassiter couldn't figure out what over.

Just before he'd decided to try and get some shut eye he heard Shawn say something, but he didn't quite catch it. He glanced at the man, but wasn't able to read his expression so just decided the man had muttered to himself, and turned over.

But he couldn't get the man out of his head. What Shawn had said earlier had gotten to him, and through the course of the night he finally began to understand why. And for once, Shawn made sense.

Carlton woke with a shock, not even realizing he had fallen asleep. He felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. Shawn looked down at him, fully dressed but tired looking.

"Hey you."

Lassiter didn't respond, only stared, trying to decide if maybe he was dreaming. He hadn't remembered falling asleep, so maybe he still was asleep.

"Doctor's say we're clear to check out. Figured you probably wanted to get a little extra sleep, though."

Carlton just stared longer, confused. Shawn quirked an eyebrow and smirked.

"Um. Lassie, are you okay? You didn't get some sort of brain... thing, did you?" At that point, Carlton hoped he was awake because his brain just wasn't capable of making even Shawn sound that dumb. It had to be all Spencer.

"I'm okay. Just tired." Carlton sat up in bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Brought you your pants!" Shawn said proudly, lifting them up in front of him. "Y'know, to kinda make up for that stupid thing I said last night."

Carlton paused, still trying to get his brain to jump start. "What stupid thing?" He realized how grumpy he sounded, but didn't bother correcting himself.

Shawn didn't say anything, only shrugged. Carlton took the pants, and the rest of the clothes as Shawn handed to them, and after the other man vacated the room went about getting himself in order.

Shawn was at the door when Carlton emerged, the sounds of a busy hospital causing the detectives head to feel muffled. "I could use a coffee," Lassiter mumbled as he began to stride to the nurses station, Shawn quickly falling in step.

They both filled out their paperwork without conversation. They exited the hospital into a sunny spring Santa Barbara morning. A salty cool breeze wafted in from the ocean, reminding Carlton just why he worked so hard to protect this city. Why these dangerous adventures were worth while.

"I'm sorry."

That was unexpected. Carlton looked at the shorter man, squinting in the daylight. "Excuse me?"

Shawn shrugged. "I'm sorry?"

"For what?"

"Making you feel all weird or whatever."

Carlton nodded, thinking back on the conversation yesterday. It was weird, but everything with Shawn was weird. Especially now. Shawn even looked totally different today than he did yesterday, moreso in the morning light. "It's okay."

Shawn rocked on his heels. Carlton stood beside him, surveying the city around him.

"You really are like a superhero though, you know that right?"

Carlton smirked and shook his head. Shawn continued, unabated. "Just look at you! Even now you're looking for bad guys to fight."

"No," Lassiter said defensively.

"Yes you are! But that's cool, I like that. There need to be more superheroes."

Lassiter felt his chest swell, and a smirk even played across his face. He decided then that if he were like a superhero, he ought to be bold like one.

"You want to go get a coffee?" Lassiter asked suddenly, being careful not to actually look at Shawn in case he saw right through him.

But, of course, being Shawn he was sure to do just that anyway. "Y'know, I got a coffee machine at my place. It's only a few blocks from here." Carlton could hear the grin in his voice.

Carlton nodded. "Okay."

Shawn, in a rare move, stammered. "W-w-really? Holy Insomnia, Lass-Man, are you--"

"Spencer," he cut him off, looking straight into his eyes. "Not right now. I either need a coffee, or a nap, before I can understand anything you're going to say."

"I got a bed, too." Shaun said, half-jokingly with a leer.

"Lead the way," Lassiter said, before himself taking the lead. Shawn, gobsmacked, took a moment before catching up to the taller man.

"Are you feeling okay, Lassie?"

"Just tired."


"You offered your bed, didn't you?"


"Don't make me change my mind."


"You know, Batman and Robin sometimes shared a bed."

Shawn choked, and Lassiter grinned from ear to ear.
Tags: comment_fic, fan fic, one-shot, psych, shawn/lassiter, slash
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